Subject:Why never to apologise in writing particularly by Email ….. …… a great retort to an apology

The 1st part is a girl’s apology email for cheating.

2nd is his hilarious reply which was forwarded to HIS entire address book
and is now circulating everywhere.

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly
truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in
the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would
ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything
that, happened, so I won’t even try other than to say all of us had WAY
too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being p1ssed
at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were
exchanged between us, what I can’t handle is thinking that you see me
as a different person. It is weird, The world looked funny yesterday, I
couldn’t crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen
to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don’t know if you meant
everything you, said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t. I know that I was
wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we
can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can’t imagine my
days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you
could say that my behavior didn’t reflect that, and you would be correct.

I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your
friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is
nothing I can say or do to take back what happened.

(Oh get to the FUCKING point)

I am so sorry.

Elizabeth

RESPONSE:

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under “L”

for “Long-winded diatribes from drunken wh0res I couldn’t care less about”.

You did a stupid thing huh? No…doing long division and forgetting to
carry the one is “a stupid thing”; Mixing in a red sock with a load
of whites is “a stupid thing”; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for

45minutes

while I sit at the bar wondering if you’re taking so long because
you ate too much bran that morning isn’t as much a “Stupid thing”
as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I’m not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
span, or that you seemed to think that by saying “Well, I didn’t F**k
him”somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn’t care
less if the world “looked funny” to you yesterday. Since your world
revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans,

I’m sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider
someone else’s feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for
you is that my friends don’t think you’re a terrible person, they just
think you’re the average run of the mill c*m-guzzling blonde.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs
you do.

Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching
sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,

(Hahaahaha, Quality.)

Brad