“Puff Revolution” by A.C . In this colossal biography (2000
Pages) A describes in detail his sexual adventures with the gay folk
and his hopes for a future pink government. A previous works include
“Jock Strap Sampler” and “I’ll tie you up”.

“I lick my Cheese” by A E. John provocatively goes into detail
of how for 25 years he did not wash his c**k and ended up with a large
slab of cheddar which he intends to feed the poor with. John is best
known for his documentary film “Sexual Donut” when for three months he
filmed Donuts in their natural environment. “They can be very volatile”
says John.

“Toxic Childhood” by NS. Mr Smith, best known for works such
as “My Fascist Mind” and ” Iâ��m always right, Iâ��m never wrongâ��, goes for a
straight biography of his childhood. Chapters include “Weed in my
cornflakes” and “Mescaline in my baby bottle”. Watch out for his follow up
entitled “Colossal” when he describes in detail his ever-expanding
waistline.

“Streetwise” by B.S, The award-winning author of “The Keepers
of Wisdom” and “Imitating the Fonze” (HEY) returns to form with what should be a
No 1 bestseller. Chapters include “Welcome to Coolville, population 1 “
and “Unspeak : words as a weapon of mass confusion”.

The Shape of the to Come” by NWS. Terrance outlines his plans to
take over and conquer, with high tones projected from his larynx. Not
to different to the classic “How to Alienate People and loose friends”.

“Hey Hey , Funny Guy ” by COCN. He explains the
evolution of some of his catchiest terms such as “You Guys” and “Who is
this Guy”. Recognised as the shortest book even written at 1 page. He his
Currently working on a documentary entitled “Monopoly for Morons” – Whoahhh, One of one most demanding pieces of literature seen in ages.

“The Politics of Good Intentions” by KFC. Mr Kef
outlines the horror he suffered at the hands of his colleagues, such as
having his computer unplugged and his mouse flung on the floor and how he
fought back with words. ” One of the books of the century” says the Sunday
Business Post. Mr Kef is best known for the classic “In Praise of
Older Women”.

Dragon

This is quality…

Little Paddy thinks, ‘Whoo hooo! I’m bleedin’ deadly at General Knowledge.
This is gonna be sooo easy! ‘
Teacher: ‘Right class, who can tell me who said. “Don’t ask what our
country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?”
Little Paddy shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher
looking round picks Farqhuar-Fauntleroy at the front. “Yes, Farqhuar?”
Farqhuar (in a very English accent): “Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy -
inauguration speech 1960.”

Teacher: “Very good Farquhar. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we
will see you back in class on Tuesday.”

The next Thursday comes around, and Little Paddy is even more determined.

Teacher: ‘Who said.”We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them
in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?”

Little Paddy’s hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting “I know.
I
know. Me Miss, me Miss!” Teacher looking round and picks Tarquin-Smythe,
sitting at the front: “Yes Tarquin?”

Tarquin (In a very, very posh, English accent): “Yes miss, the answer is
Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech.”

Teacher: “Very good Tarquin, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come
back to class on Tuesday.”

The following Thursday comes around and Little Paddy is hyper, he’s been
studying encyclopaedias all week and he’s ready for anything that comes.
He’s coiled in his wee chair, dribbling in anticipation

Teacher: ‘”Who said ‘One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?’”

Little Paddy’s arm shoots straight in the air, he’s standing on his seat,
jumping up and down screaming “Me miss. Me miss. I know, I know.
Me Miss, me miss, meeeeee “

Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front “Yes
Rupert.” Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English
accent): “Yes miss that was Neil Armstrong, 1967, the first moon landing.”

Teacher: ‘”Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come
back into class on Tuesday.”

Little Paddy loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee
chair at the wall. He starts screaming “WHERE THE F**K DID ALL THESE
ENGLISH B*ST*RDS COME FROM?”

Teacher spins back round from the blackboard and shouts: “Who said that?”

Little Paddy grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, “Patrick
Pearse, GPO, 1916. See ye on Tuesday Miss.”